It was a feeling quite foreign to her. On her way out to the porch, she found herself just pausing, several minutes went by, she allowed herself to simply experience this interesting sensation. She realized she was happy, euphoric maybe even. A smile came to her face, feeling quite natural in the moment, she realized she felt totally at ease, a sense of oneness and wholeness, completely connected to what really mattered most to her, her family. It had been an especially bad day and by the time afternoon came, she had known she was done with the day. She knew what she needed was her home and her people around her. She opened the windows as soon as she arrived at the quaint cottage, it was a lovely evening outside, the sun was setting and a cool breeze was blowing through. This always made her feel good. She began preparing the kitchen for the gigantic pot of spaghetti she would cook for everyone. Another tool that she used regularly to help her feel safe, everyone loved it when she did this and it always set up the tone for an evening of good food and good company with her family. She could already feel herself breathing a bit easier, the pressures of judgement and deadlines that she lived under constantly were leaving her mind, slowly but surely. She proceeded to do some tidying up around the place, it was small but cozy and she absolutely loved her little home. She and her youngest daughter were roommates, a part of her life she had grown to treasure fiercely. She wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. The children began arriving and without even having to talk about anything, everyone already knew all about spaghetti night, each of them changed into some comfortable evening clothing and settled in to have some light fun and be okay. They loved these evenings when they could all relax into spending this safe time just being together and enjoying each others company. As she cleared off counter tops, her eyes were drawn to a particular picture frame, which contained very special photos. The images were of her grandmother, whose passing away many years before had been a total devastation for her, she still missed her immensely every moment of every day. There were four photographs in that frame, one of herself with grandma, and then one of each child with grandma. She closed her eyes and hugged it close to her heart. Feeling pure love in that moment helped her spirit release more of the negative energy that had been trying to swallow her up that afternoon. She heard the sounds of laughter coming from her children, this made her come out of that intense moment she had been having, but it was a nice nudge back into the moment at hand, she knew how badly she needed this little break on this particular day. She was incredibly thankful at this moment for the strong bonds she had worked so hard to build with her children, who were now adults. She came back around into the kitchen and put the water for the spaghetti to boil. The children were already getting the music going and happy vibes had begun floating like bubbles throughout the home. These moments were especially important to her because her family had definitely been through some challenging and painful experiences. She thanked God daily now, that those times were behind them all. Not to say that life was perfect, of course it never is, but there are worse times and there are better times. These were absolutely better times for both herself as well as those she loved with all her heart and soul. And she was eternally grateful that they had made it through to the other side of the dark days. Her heart was beginning to release all the anxiety and fear of the afternoon hours and she was keenly aware of the sensations of warmth and safety moving through her now. She realized she was speaking to herself gently in her mind, “See, everything is alright and this is what life is really all about, you are okay and all is well, you are loved and you are safe.” Breathing continued to come easier and easier with each passing moment. The caring self-talk continued until it was reaching the depths of her heart, “There is nothing to be afraid of or anxious about, all that needs to be done is getting done, you are strong and brave and smart and a survivor, and you are doing just fine, just absolutely fine. Don’t worry. Just be okay.” She was grateful for this gift of self-talk that she had learned through her play and study with personal self-renewal. She was honoring the value in herself this evening. She had been consumed with so many thoughts and feelings of inadequacy over the past year, she was struggling with recovering from all of it. She knew she had made considerable progress but that there was still more work ahead of her on that path. They all moved through the rest of the evening with light-heartedness and love. They had all needed this break in their crazy busy lives. The spaghetti was delightful as it always was. She was able to go to bed and fall into a sleep filled with peace, joy and rest. Deep down inside she knew she was good enough and worthy of love. She also knew on this deeper level that all was truly well and that there were more good times that lay ahead for them all. She was eternally grateful from the deepest parts of her soul, for these beautiful people she had been blessed to have in her life, and to have the greatest gift of being a part of theirs.
“Happiness cannot be traveled to, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude.” Denis Waitley